Quote of the Day

"Fiction is the truth inside the lie." Stephen King

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Fb, taking a break, and trying to make myself write...(these are a few of the crappiest things...cue music)

What a great summer, it really was. Except for the end. I haven't written in a very long time. Finding time with the kids home is next to impossible when the computer is in the kitchen. No, the laptops are broken. Yes, I feel overwhelmed much of every day.

I'm pretty private about my private life, but problems arising with someone I love and taking a break (gut-wrenching break, might I add, that felt like the scene from Twilight New Moon where Bella and Edward break up and she stares out of the window for like an entire season). Yeah, it felt like that. I love deep, and hurt deep. Makes for a good writer. Makes for a broken up heart that is messy and friends who feel they have been holding grief sessions without getting paid the huge sums of money a counselor deserves. This thing is hopefully on the mend, but some damage is done. Hoping a new seed falls off the old tree and can become something fresh and new and untainted by the past mistakes. Sigh. (see, I am dramatic. stukid heart)

Facebook. Ah. My loved/hated little friend. It causes a lot of grief for certain types of people. For relationships, it can be a kiss of death. Quite a few people I know have decided to simply leave it and all it implies as soon as they start a new relationship. Or just because they hated ALL of the drama, period, from friends getting in their business to lurkers having no good intentions but just starting trouble. Not that it's all bad, of course when used right (family, keeping in touch with old friends...) all that is good. But after feeling hurt way too much about things there that really mean nothing and feeling generally like a nut for letting things bother me, I do see how sometimes, we don't need to be friends with so many blasts from the past, old friends that might be starting a new chapter in their life, want to play a little and maybe this causes trouble for people for whatever reason, etc. I have very mixed feelings about fb right now. I'll think about this tomorrow. ;)

And writing. UGH! I have not found time to write lately. Angst drives the writer, but too much locks her up? I write best when it is all I have to cling to. When I get into my story so much that I want to live there awhile, but I am pretty happy in the reality of my own life, it's hard to go to the other place. Do all writers have this? It takes a special mix of angst and contentment to write well. I have to get back to this place.

Okay, enough for now. I'm getting back to it. I'm going to trust that all the other pieces are going to fall into place. I've mostly done what I can to provide the puzzle edges, give them a nice place to fall...into place. Er...okay, before I edit all that, I'm out. But I WILL be back soon. :)

ps. Word of my day seems to be place. Hmmm...:)


  1. Tracy-I'm so sorry about your summer heartbreak. That can be so hard to escape. And that plus younger kids who need entertaining and care can pretty much wipe out what you can do.

    I do okay with Facebook--there has been a little drama, but not a ton.

    And as for writing... what I need is a relaxation ritual. I can't write if my own life is poking in--which means sometimes I can and sometimes I can't write during the day, but when i write in the tub--warm water, glass of wine, do a SUDOKU first, then my brain can go to the writing no matter what else is going on. I can't take breaks or it takes a lot to get back in... have to write every day.

  2. Thank you, Hart. :) I was very heartbroken (too much loss over too few years, I'm sure, and thankfully, things are on the mend and looking good ;) but yes, it was very hard. I began to apologize to my friends for being so sad, so wiped out, and one friend said, don't ever apologize for loving someone and being hurt when it seems it might not work out. Love hurts, loss is always painful. It's nothing to be ashamed of that you love deep. That really helped me.

    I think with Facebook that there will come a time at least once that we using FB will want to deactivate the thing, get upset with something, say too much once or twice...It's normal. For me, I think not taking some things so seriously and realizing that everyone there is not my friend, so those whose friendship depressed me in any way, they need to go. It should be a fun, happy place to share things.

    I agree about the tub!! I do my best thinking in the shower. I think if I give myself permission to take time to cut off phone, close the door, and pay no attention to anything except the story, it will get easier. I KNOW this, making myself do it is what I have to do. Yes, EVERYday. :)

  3. You can do anything Tracy. You've always inspired me to look at the bright side (though I find that VERY hard to do) You'll get through all this like you get through everything. With grace and courage.

  4. Megan, thank you! I really appreciate that. <3